The Maid of Honor Bridal Shower Checklist, With Scripts

The short version Talk to the bride before you plan anything, and agree on money with your co-hosts before you book anything. Then work the timeline below from 12 weeks out, and send the day-after cost breakdown so nobody is left guessing.

First-time maids of honor on the wedding forums keep asking the same questions: what am I supposed to do, who pays, and how do I ask the other bridesmaids for help without it getting weird. This page answers those in order, then gives you the timeline, a full checklist and messages you can copy.

Start with one conversation with the bride

Nothing about the shower is fixed by rule. Some brides want a living-room afternoon with cake and twenty people, some want a venue, some would rather skip it. Her mom or her future in-laws may already be planning one. Ask before you assume, because every other decision depends on the answers.

Cover these in that first talk:

• Does she want a shower at all, and roughly how many people?
• Is anyone else (her mom, an aunt, his family) planning to host or help?
• Games or no games? Gifts opened at the party or later?
• Dates that work, and any guests who must be there.
• Will there be a registry? If people are asked to a shower, they will bring gifts, and a registry saves them guessing.

Here is a message to open that conversation:

“I’d love to throw your shower. Before I plan anything, can we grab 15 minutes this week to talk about what you want? Size, games or no games, and whether your mom or anyone else is already planning something.”

Who pays for the shower

The etiquette answer is short: the host or hosts pay. The Emily Post Institute says the shower host or hosts pay for the shower, and that bridesmaids have never been required to host one, though many do. It also says several friends or relatives can host together and share the costs and the organizing. The couple should not throw their own.

In practice that means three workable setups:

1. You host alone and plan to a budget you can afford.
2. You co-host with bridesmaids, the bride’s mom, or both, and agree on amounts before anything is booked.
3. A relative hosts and you help with planning, setup and games.

The setup that goes wrong is the fourth one: one person books a venue, then sends everyone else a bill. Bridesmaids who never agreed to co-host are guests, and guests do not pay to attend a party they are bringing a gift to.

Messages you can copy

Short, specific messages get faster answers than a long group-chat essay. Change the names and amounts and send.

Asking the bridesmaids to co-host (send before you spend)

“Hi all! I’m starting to plan [Bride]‘s shower for [month]. Before I book anything: would anyone like to co-host with me? If yes, tell me what you can comfortably put in, total. Any number is fine, including zero, and you can reply to me privately. I’ll build the plan around what we have.”

Inviting the bride’s mom in

“Hi [Name], I’m planning [Bride]‘s shower with the bridesmaids. Would you like to be part of it? Some moms like to handle the food or host at their house, others would rather just come and enjoy it. Either is great, I want to plan around you.”

Asking the bride for the guest list

“Could you send me the shower guest list by [date]? Names plus a mailing address or phone number for each. Everyone on it should be on the wedding list too, so pulling from that is easiest. If your mom has the family addresses, I’m happy to get them from her.”

Confirming the budget once people answer

“Thanks, everyone. We have $[total] to work with. Here’s the plan and who is covering what: [link]. If anything changes for you, tell me before [date], which is when I book the venue and order the cake.”

Collecting money

“Reminder: shares for the shower are $[amount] each, due [date]. Send to [payment handle]. I’ll share receipts with the group after the shower.”

The shower timeline, week by week

Count back from the shower date, which the Emily Post Institute puts between two months and two weeks before the wedding.

1. 12 weeks out: talk to the bride first Ask what she wants (size, games or none, home or venue) and whether her mom or his family already plans to host. Agree on a date range and who is hosting before you spend anything.
2. 8 weeks out: settle the budget and the hosts Message the bridesmaids and the bride's mom to ask who wants to co-host and what each can put in. Write the total down and plan to it.
3. 6 weeks out: book the place and get the guest list Book the venue or confirm the house. Ask the bride for the guest list with addresses or phone numbers, and set a theme if you want one.
4. 4 weeks out: send invitations Mail or text invitations with an RSVP date about two weeks before the shower. Put registry details on a separate card or link, not on the invitation itself.
5. 2 weeks out: lock food, games and supplies Order the cake, choose the menu and pick two or three games. Print what you need and buy prizes.
6. 1 week out: confirm and assign the day Chase missing RSVPs, give the caterer or the cooks a final count, and send every helper a short list of what they own on the day.
7. The day before: prep and pack Pick up anything you can, pre-cut and label what you can, and pack one box with games, pens, tape, scissors, a gift list notebook and a phone charger.
8. The day of: set up, host, keep the gift list Arrive early to set up, greet guests, keep a gift list while she opens presents, and hand off cleanup jobs you assigned the week before.
9. The day after: settle up and say thanks Send the bride her gift list, send co-hosts a cost breakdown with what each person owes or is owed, and return anything borrowed.

Splitting the work with bridesmaids and her mom

Divide jobs by area so each person owns something start to finish. A shared spreadsheet or a pinned note in the group chat is enough. Use this as a starting point and change the names to fit your group.

If you want something to fill in by hand, the free maid of honor planner has a blank who-does-what table with names and due dates, plus a budget split sheet with item, estimated, actual and who paid.

The full checklist

Copy this into your notes app or print the planner. Tick items off as you go.

Planning

• Talk to the bride about size, style, games and gifts
• Confirm who else wants to host or help
• Pick the date, two months to two weeks before the wedding
• Agree on hosts and a total budget, in writing
• Book the venue or confirm the house
• Get the guest list with addresses or phone numbers
• Choose a theme, if any (see our bridal shower themes)

Invitations

• Send invitations about four weeks out
• Include the registry link or card separately
• Track RSVPs in one list
• Follow up on missing RSVPs one week out

Food, games and supplies

• Plan food to fit the time of day
• Order the cake or dessert
• Choose two or three games (our bridal shower games guide has rules and a chooser)
• Print game sheets and buy pens
• Buy small prizes
• Buy or borrow decorations, plates and napkins

The day

• Arrive early to set up
• Put one person on the gift list
• Keep an eye on the schedule so gifts do not run past the end time
• Run cleanup by the assignments you made

After

• Give the bride the gift list
• Send co-hosts the cost breakdown and settle up
• Return anything borrowed

What people actually say

A first-time maid of honor planning for her cousin asked r/weddingplanning for every tip. The top advice was to ask the bride what she expects, because norms change with region, culture and age. Commenters also pointed out that hosting the shower is optional, that if you host, the planning and budget are yours to set, and that you cannot bill the other bridesmaids for choices they did not agree to. One said some brides lean hard on their bridal party and others barely need it.

In a thread from someone planning a shower for her sister, the advice leaned simple: cake and deli platters from a warehouse store, a living room or an apartment community room, and only local guests who are also invited to the wedding. Commenters said a mealtime shower needs a full meal, while mid-afternoon can be dessert with iced tea or lemonade. They also pushed for a registry if the event is called a shower. One liked an icebreaker card with prompts like finding someone who knows the bride’s birthday.

The money threads repeat one lesson. A bridesmaid was told her share was $175 after the maid of honor had already planned everything. Replies said the budget talk has to come before planning, that nobody gets to spend your money without your agreement, and that in some circles a bridesmaid’s contribution is closer to a fruit platter. In another thread, a bridesmaid learned from a spreadsheet that she was assigned part of the shower; a commenter said chipping in is fine only when the party is “planned around what the bridal party can afford.”

An overwhelmed maid of honor had spent about $900 on catering and decor plus about $400 on favors. Commenters told her favors are optional. Another maid of honor described dividing the costs and the jobs (food, decor, games, dessert) across the bridesmaids and said it turned out great.

When the plan changes

Showers shift. The bride’s mom decides to host after all, a co-host’s budget drops, or the guest list doubles. Each time, go back to the same two questions: who is hosting, and what has each host agreed to pay. Update the shared plan, tell the group in one message, and keep receipts in one place so the day-after breakdown is easy.

If the guest list grows past what the budget covers, trim the menu before you ask anyone for more money. A shower at home with cake, coffee, lemonade and a couple of games is still a shower. For more ways to keep it simple, our bridal shower ideas page sorts options by budget.